cause i honestly believed in you.NEW SONG ON MY BLOG!

hey..woke up at around 2 plus. but i just lay in my bed,daydreaming. i wanted to write in my diary but nah. write here. went to haoj's place at evening yesterday for bbq. i ate so many chicken wings! but they were really yummy,especially when bryan put salt and lemon on it.mm mm. it was quite boring when it first started though.i just felt mervyn wasnt himself. maybe cause there were too many guys there or,i dont know. but he got okay after an hour or so. when he told haoj's cousin that his gf was adele or something about adele..i remember i used to feel kind of annoyed but now..i didnt give a flying care at all. i mean i used to talk to charlene about bryan alvin at the time she liked him also and i tried helping her so i know what's mervyn doing. cause i really dont give 2,no,3 flying fs about that guy. i actually go around telling others how bad he is. i just want to show them that,i.dont.want.to.have.anything.related to him. like oh!you used to like him a lot right. same goes for mervyn,im sure he wouldnt like ppl saying oh!you used to cry and mourn over her right? i guess these people are just out to ruin us,by talking about the people from our past.
i will never stop trying to show you that i dont feel anything for anyone else but you,i just want you to feel secured and happy.

people always ask me, why am i alone?where are my friends?dont i ever go out with them? i dont know how to answer them. because honestly, as much as i want to have girlfriends, i dont know how to like,hang out with them cause the only girl i feel comfortable with is steffi but sadly..nvm. i've been around boys too much. and i love being around mervyn's friends,i mean like zhihao,jeev bryan haoj cause they make me feel like im their little sister. cause i know some girls who actually fall for their bf's friends cause she actually shares more with the friend then her bf. but hell noo..i just see mervyn as like the special one,like,he shines among all his friends. i mean as in,he's the only one i see. even though im mean to him sometimes. =o

zhihao asked me why dont i try getting back with karen cause she doesnt seem like the type like you know..he said that im like the type who'll be nice to my friend and stab her in her back when she doesnt even know. nooooo,im not like that. karen and i used to be as close as sisters i tell you. but afterall,i cant blame her but myself. she kept on pushing me to mervyn and of course,i couldnt neglect mervyn at that time when we first started..how do i explain..it's so hard telling each and every person who asks me about this. i feel like there's no use at all cause they already have the impression that i left her alone for mervyn. when she had zhihao,she neglected me alot. but i still stood by her cause i understood and i was very happy for her. i feel like im the bad person now..when i tried so many times to talk to her but she never seemed interested,nore like she was afraid to talk to me.

anyways,i actually wanted mervyn to come over later on..but i knew like 90% he wouldnt come over. cause he's tired, and yup. i should've been more reasonable. sorry yung=(

and my parents..if they ask me why didnt i call and say i wasnt coming home last night..why couldnt i ask them,where do you two go each time it's mummy's offday. they're NOT in singapore. why cant they tell us what they're doing. now can they blame us if we're going to stand up for nanny in court?NO. im so angry...=( they really make me feel like i dont belong at home. why else would i always want to go out and stay out late,even how tired i am. when mervyn asks me to go over when he misses me,i go over immediately cause i love seeing him and i never get bored of him and also,i hate staying at home. i was supposed to go cycling today but oh wells.

and why must i have my period!!! i wish it'd never come. not now....i mean at least like 2 weeks later? i wannnnt to go to sentosa or jurong to swim with my baobao and them!! i'd be sad the whole day if they went and i didnt go cause i really want to go to sentosa or jurong with my baobao. i'll kill myself if i didnt go cause i want to swim with my bao! and i want the sun sand and sea.

ANYWAYS,BAO,LOOK HERE.listen to this song..i love it. i dedicate it to you. GO LISTEN KAY!love you. SNUGGLES!

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